Sleepless Nights

It's 7.45 in the morning and i've barely slept a wink. Just a lot on my mind, you know?
My throat is killing me. Flu again aaahh whygodwhy. Feels as if there are daggers stuck in my throat. I'd cut it and put it aside to ease my pain if it were up to me.
And then my shitload of assignments. Research papers are gonna ruin my life one day i swear to God. And group projects.. Don't even get me started on that one.
I feel so exhausted all the time even though all i do i sit in my room all day and glue my face to my laptop. College is hard with a capital H.
AND ROSE GETTING STUCK IN THE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE. THE DOCTOR NOT EVEN BEING ABLE TO TELL HER THAT HE LOVES HER. THE DOCTOR CRYING, MY BABYY. MY EMOTIONS I JUST. It is the saddest scene in the history of tv shows; trust me when i say that cuz i watch a hell lot of them. Oh and if you haven't already figured out what i'm talking about, it's Doctor Who. And if you don't watch it, you must start watching. Really.
Not to mention a lot of um personal stuff, which i'm not ready to talk about cuz i'm trying to block my brain from thinking about it.
Anywaaaay, i should give sleep a go again. It's 8 am already. Sigh. Good night!

P. S. I think a porcupine is stuck in my throat and it's leading me to a slow, painful death.

F x

Don't Know What To Name This-

Caring. Always. And afraid that that one person who actually matters won't care for me back the same way.

Hurting. And hurting everyone around me because i want them to know what i'm going through too.

Regret. Not because i voiced my crude opinion, but because i hurt the one i love.

Does that make me as selfish as you?

F x

For Me

Anger. And then crying because you're really angry and can do nothing about it.

A few comments by a person who i once really respected, made me feel like the the most insignificant person in the world today. You know how in cartoons it's shown that the character turns red when he's angry? Today, i could feel my face getting red - not the kind that happens when you blush because of a compliment - it was because i was mad; so mad that i could see red. And so i cried. In public. During a meeting. Don't get me wrong, i'm the last person to cry in front of people. I couldn't help it today though. I couldn't lash out on the person who kept profusely apologizing but yet kept throwing insults. And insulting me why because i always, ALWAYS stayed late and helped in every possible work (and by helped here i mean did all the work by myself while the others just sat and stared at my face)? Or attended every possible meeting on time; save one or two because i simply could not make it? Or never complained once when i was assigned something last minute, despite all the college work i had? 

This is what i get for always spending my time to please others. For putting others before myself. For working my ass off just to make others happy. For not telling others how i actually feel about them no matter how much i dislike them, just cuz i know it'd hurt them.

So you know what? Fuck people. From now on i'm gonna do what i want to please myself and myself only.

F x

Who You Are

This quote never ceases to get my mind blown every single time i read it.
F x